Dream a little dream for me.

Yes, I am a dreamer. I was watching Gilmore Girls tonight...the end of Gilmore Girls is always pretty good. Just at the last minute it often has that little moment of goodness that just makes your heart ache. I know that all my gentlemen friends will yell at me, "Sweet T it isn't real! Stop dreaming fairy tales, and expecting magic.!" But you can't stop me. I am not going to stop. I know that to expect puccini to play, or a drumroll to ignite when I first fall in love is a little much. I know that to expect the happily ever after, or the prince's grand entrance on a white horse to carry me away just as I am about to marry the evil one monacled munchkin who wants to take over the land and become the dictator of Oklahoma---well----is a little much----but here is the scenario.

Lorelei is grumpy at snow (snow is lovely by the way isn't it?) because grumpy boyfriend luke goes on and on about the trials and tribulations that winter and snow causes. So at the end, she comes home and Luke has built her a little ice skating box/rink in her front yard, and gives her skates. Says he wants her to reconcile with the snow because she loves it. Then she ice skates, and tells him to join her and he says he just wants to watch her, and she is full of joy like a little girl as she skates around this tiny rink.

Some guy doesn't have to make me an ice rink to make me happy. But here is what I need. Someone who thinks about me....thinking about what would make me happy....and then doing it....and being happy himself just at the joy I take in it. The man who does this for me? The man who treats me like a queen, and tries (I emphasize tries) to understand what I need, there is nothing that I wouldn't give him. He would be treated like the King's King.....and believe me I can treat a man well when I decide to.

So why can't all guys who decide to like me (or I like) work? Because not all can look at me and say here, this is what I can do to make you happy and it actually be so. The guy who can look at me and see what I need, AND be able to do that. And vice versa. No man or woman is going to completely fufill the other....no one should even slightly expect that. But there are some who can see into my eyes and heart better than others.....there are some with whom I can pierce with my gaze.....my thoughtful gaze.....with those few I can look and say here.....I can tell you are thirsty, I know you are hungry....here come sup with me. The one with whom I can say, I can tell you are hurting, let me comfort you. He is the one who is my friend.

The one with whom I can finally say after that long quest,-- ahhhh, yes.....so THIS is home.

None of this happens BAM at first glance....i don't think it does. To find this one must not expect anything until one knows something, until one investigates..(dating isn't love...it is the search for love)..but when you find this friend.....yes, I believe there is magic. It isn't because of some mystical happening in the universe....but rather because the two of you FINALLY understand something about love. Being able to give so much of yourself....forgetting about yourself....forgetting to worry about yourself....forgetting about yourself more and more each day because you care so much...so much...so much....more and more each day about someone outside of yourself.....and then at some point realizing on top of this that God loves us even MORE perfectly than we love that person. More perfectly than we could ever love any person right now....and that is pure....the most pure magic. That love that I will some day feel for that truly awesome man that i choose to love and perhaps the love for my children--these will give me just an inkling more of the idea of God's love for us....and to realize that the love we will share in heaven when we CAN love perfectly will be the most magical experience and beyond anything that we can imagine or have experienced before.
God's love for us is a fairy tale....by that I mean, it has the happy ending. The story of God is perhaps a long fairy tale.....a very long fairy tale.....the happy ending is coming, coming, coming....wait...not yet....okay....maybe....now..oh wait....but still the fairy tale. Why can't I imagine that I will have at least moments of fairy tale in my own life here on earth? In fact I know it exists...those moments....I have had them. I have felt them. Those moments. yes. very much so...they make it all worth while.