Dusk

I am sitting on my porch this evening enjoying the spring air, and looked out to see all the phlox blooming. Really I looked just last evening and barely any of it was there. Look today at is is in full bloom--It will only last a couple of weeks before it turns into a green moss. Last week the crabapple tree burst into color. Although my yard is the biggest pain more than I can really handle, it is really lovely each year to see everything here. Those same flowers my grandmother tended and planted. The colors she loved, the things she loved. As I live here in this house my grandmother lives on through her flowers--through the memories. Just as you can see traces of her in my personality and features--you can see it in this house. It is her--but it is me. We are both here. I look at my grandmother. I look at my mom. What strong beautiful women--so subtle, and yet strong, graceful, and humble..changing the course of lives--what a heritage to live up to as I take their place and continue their story----will my children look at me and see that quiet strength? Will they say look at grandma Sweet T--look at the life she lived and the grace with which she lived it. Will I be able to take my place among these women and they think that I have continued their story with justice?

I look into the sky--the sun is going down. I lay my head back on the chair and put my feet up. I fan my wet hair in the wind to dry. It sticks in wisps around my face. It is quiet. The world is beginning to go to sleep. I smell the residue of rose scented sea salts lingering on my skin from my shower. The neighbor's little black cat comes to visit me. She arches her back and looks at me as if to say hello, and then jumps into the flower beds to chase a evening moth. The cars that drive by are beginning to turn on their headlights. I look in the screen door to my house and it looks warm and cozy with the dim lights, ....and yet empty. As I look in the window into the house I feel like I am looking into someone else's life instead of mine. It is now too dark to write so I must bid farewell. Adieu sweet friends. Adieu sweet void. I eagerly await that time when we can meet here again.