Almost time!

I can't believe Helen is almost here.  I am incredibly excited, and truly believe that everything is going to be fine, but there is that little part of me that still wonders if this is really going to happen.  After four years of disappointment am I really going to have a healthy baby?  Although I have worried some about the pain, it is almost like I don't even care or think about that part anymore.  I just want Helen to be okay.  It is less than 3 weeks away.  Had some small contractions (I think ) today.  I am at station 3, 50% effaced and dilated 1cm.    My doctor goes out of town Sunday until Wednesday so we will see what happens with that.    I love Helen so much already.  She is our special angel.  I hope people will put up with us because I know we will be a little crazy about trying to raise her right.  God help us to raise a great child despite ourselves. :)  

Long time no see!

Yeah....so I guess it has been way over a year since I wrote on this blog.  I know that there are probably only about 2 people who might even see it since most of my readers gave up on me a long time ago.  But that is okay.  I enjoy it as a record of my thoughts, feelings, and events in my life even more than as a communication tool.

The main thing that is new in my life (and the two people who might read this already know it) is that I am pregnant!  21 weeks and everything is going well.  Knock on wood.  I tell Steve that maybe God is blessing us with an easy pregnancy after the pain of the last four years....but I am also know that I still have a lot left to go and who knows what can still happen.

Little Baby Helen Pauline is moving in my belly sometimes now where I can feel it.  It's a wonderful feeling, and I sit here constantly waiting in expectation of her next move.  Although at this point sometimes that means I am waiting for a long time.

She is beautiful too.  Here she is saying hi to you!

akward sweet t

so.....i told the kids to write a letter to a teacher for teacher appreciation week. I told them not to write to me unless they just couldn't think of anyone else because it would be weird for me to require them to write a note, and ask for a bunch of compliments for myself..... so one kid writes me one. He says, "What I love about you most is your awkwardness"........hmmmm....he kept writing, and really did seem to love the fact that I guess I am more funny that graceful.....

So....in my next class which is mostly seniors who have had my class for 3 years, and we have a mutual love and respect for each other I told them what the student said, and this girl immediately yells out...I LOVE that about you too!....and another kid said, yeah, kluge, you are pretty awkward....

so during this same class period we were in the media center making bratwurst lunches for the teachers. A couple of kids went to see if a teacher wanted a dinner, and they came back and said this particularly stylish, graceful, skinny, beautiful teacher wanted a plate. And I said, "that surprises me." and this kid said, "what does that mean?" and I said, "I never pictured her as a sausage eater." Immediately when I said it, I knew it was wrong. The kids busted out laughing, and I was like...oops that came out wrong. And one of the kids said, "see kluge....awkward. :) Okay......guess I am guilty as charged.

At least they find it charming rather than repulsive. They also mean I am clumsy....but yeah....i am a little bit. The German word for this is awful. It is the opposite of chic. ungeschickt.....oh well. Again....at least people find it charming.:)

Have an awesomely awkward day!

new drinks

so....steve has a notion in his head that we shouldn't eat or drink anything with aspartame anymore. I am of the notion to agree with him. So we have nearly completely stopped drinking soda (it had gotten out of control) and when we do drink it, we are drinking regular dr. pepper or coke. In the mean time, we are now drinking loads of unsweetened tea). It has gone pretty well. we are starting into the second week, and have gotten past the headache stage.

We know that there are drinks with splenda and such, but not many...even coke zero has aspartame...pepsi one doesn't, but we dont' really like the taste of it. All the better. The more we stop drinking soda, the better off we will be.

yay!!!!!!

this week's menu

Sunday breakfast- cinnamon rolls
Sunday lunch- Roast, mashed potatoes,green beans and toast
Sunday night- chicken and feta pizza (made at home)
lunch every day-north african stew
dinners---
Monday- Spinach cheddar squares and......something else.....
Tuesday-barbecue roast beef sandwiches, and baked potato wedges
Wed- rigatoni chicken in pesto sauce (stouffers)and vegetables and toast-steve has class on wed., so he eats a frozen dinner, and i eat the left overs of it after I get home.
Thurs- spaghetti, or baked macaroni and cheese with chicken
Friday---GO OUT TO EAT!~!!!!!!:) (however very early because I have a paper due that night that I will probably be working on till I have to turn it in....and will not get to have hoity toity fun....)

i will also probably be making some pineapple cookies, and/or brownies during the week for our sweet tooth!

Yeah to not eating out very often!!!!! whoohoo!

Quote from Envy by Anna Godbersen

A young woman, newly wed, may find herself in the delightful position of wanting to do nothing without the company of her darling husband. She may indeed discover that she spends all her waking hours with her fellow to the exclusion of every other friend or family member. This is understandable but wholly unacceptable, to society.

--Mrs. Hamilton W. Breedfelt, Collected Columns on Raising Young Ladies of Character, 1899



Is this not still considered unacceptable if not actually weird in our society? A man and woman who spend so much time together that they actually begin to have no friends? They are spurned from society. Actually society feels that the couple has spurned them rather than the other way around.



Society must have its "girl nights" and its "poker nights", and other activities with the underlying purpose of seperating spouses from each other. If a man and a woman enjoy spending time together to the exclusion of all else it is seen as akward, strange, and unsual.



i understand that the concept of society means interacting with more than one person. A society is made up of many different components and to be a part of it, you must interact with it on several different levels.



I understand that one can need some time a part from the person they live with. With the recent blizzard it was made clear that sometimes there can be perhaps too much together time.



My husband and I are strange. We like to be together. We like to be together nearly all the time. We like a lot of the same activities, and we like a lot of the same topics of discussion. We like the same music, and mostly the same movies. We look forward to the idea that we might work together some day at the same school.



I am not saying that we want to be together 24/7, but even just an hour or two away from each other and we can be ready to hang out, and chill with only each other again. And if I have missed him all day at work, it is sometimes hard for me to want to go out and leave him again in the evening for some other activity. Co-dependence? I don't know....maybe?



Yeah, okay, so maybe society may not like us too much. Sure, our whole little system may be a little too insulated. I am okay with that. Society has been one of my arch enemies for a long time now. It might be a pretty good time to piss her off again. I am in the mood for a fight.:)

Here is Sweet T signing off.
p.s. I am not saying I don't like girl nights. I LOVE girl nights. I just miss my husband when I go to them....and well, let's face it.....I am a bit of a hermit. I can enjoy a quilt and a good book and a glass of wine a little too much sometimes...or perhaps a nice guilty pleasure like Veronica Mars, or Bones......

blizzards bring out the blogs!

I love my new home. I love the space. I love the warmth and coziness. I love how if you are tired of one room, there are many others to go hang out in, and feel like you are in a new place. I am so blessed and lucky. I hope I remember this feeling. I remember before I married steve, he started taking out the trash, and I thought this was so amazing. It is so wonderful to have someone who wants to help. All those things that I used to have to do myself...even little things...there is someone who wants to help me do them. At the time, I made a concious decision that I would always try to have that same feeling of enormous gratitude even after I started taking it for granted.

I want to do the same about my home. I want to remember now how thankful I am, so that even after I have more, or feel like I need more, I will remember how big, and wonderful, and cozy it was. I don't want to ever take these little pleasures for granted. I want to live in a state of awe and thankfulness every day. I want to appreciate this extraordinary life that I live.

By the way, i have started a new blog about books. sweettlovestoread.blogspot.com

hope you stay warm and cozy!

OU--are you serious?????

So...I haven't told a whole lot of people, but I was accepted to the University of Oklahoma this last spring, and it is my plan to go this fall and begin work on a second Masters in the field of Library and Information Studies. I have heard that OU is notorious for all of its red tape and massive problems that have nothing to do with their classes, but everything to do with the adminstration, and operation of the university.

I now believe it. Seriously....trying to get admitted, and enrolled has taken nearly every ounce of patience that I have. I went to Indiana University, and had NONE of these problems. Seriously....after several other issues I have had, not to mention the confusion over the maiden name me of 10 years ago, and the married me of now (which I can let go as it might be something a little confusing)....now I am struggling on merging my identity with some dude named Brian Little. When I access my records, I am half me....Sweet T on the home page, but some other dude on all the other pages, and these are the pages I need! I am sorry, but I don't want to enroll in classes as a little freshman dude who is an engineering major....and they won't let this little dude enroll anyway in the graduate courses I want to take.

I am about to give it all up. Perhaps it is not meant to be. I can't get the IT department to understand the problem, and they seem to think it is something I am doing. I just want to take one tiny small diddly online class this fall, and I can't imagine what it would be like to get these folks to let me graduate in a couple of years. I have never liked OU. There has never been any sympathy in my heart for them, or their football team, and it is turning closely to downright hatred. I can't believe that I may have to work with them as they are the only ALA accredited school in the state, and if I ever want to be an academic librarian I have to take their classes. Ugh. Anger. Frustration. Maybe I will just turn to writing instead, and forget the dream of being a bun styling, glasses wearing, matronly lover of books......

are you ready......here I go again....

What do I love about summer?
I love walking in the park. I love beautiful brown tans, and fresh fruit and vegetables. I love friends getting together for July 4th, and everyone just being a little more laid back. I love summer vacations, and summer birthdays. I love sleeping in, and I love air conditioning. I love picking blackberries, and drive in movies, and reading lots of books....summer bike rides, and seeing people kayaking on lake Hefner.....

What do you love about summer?

What I am reading....

This summer I decided to choose some books based on what I saw in Europe. You are probably saying....what? you are going to tell us what you are reading during this really boring month of your summer vacation when you went to Europe for two weeks and haven't told us a thing? Sweet T!!!!! Why do you decide to bore us with these mundane details when actually your life is pretty exciting. Well, I guess I actually have time to write to you during these boring times, and this is what is on my mind right now.

I read Heidi by Johanna Spyri. I have not read this book since I was about 9 or 10, and I, of course, loved it. One of the main characters in this book turns out to be the Swiss Alps. We saw a lot of the Alps this summer...from Germany, to Austria, to Italy and Switzerland. I wanted to read this book with the backdrop I had from my trip in my mind.

The next book I read was Water Mirror by Kai Meyer. He is a German author, but the Dark Reflections series takes place in Venice. I read this book a couple of years ago, but wanted to read it again with the images I had recently experienced. How surprised I was to see the island of Murano, and the glassblowers figured somewhat prominently in the book....We had the chance to go to this island while we were there and see the glass blowers..... and of course see the Doge's palace, the bridge of sighs, and many other things that I just skipped over in the book the first time.

I also read Italo Calvino's book "Hermit in Paris" this is a collection of essays, letters, journals, and interviews that Calvino wrote. Not quite what I expected....a large part of it is about his trip to the United States, but the actual essay on Paris was incredibly interesting, and the ideas on traveling, new experiences, and politics of an Italian man who had communist ideals, and grew up in fascist Italy was pretty fascinating.

I am now diving into Victor Hugo's Hunchback of Notre Dame. I have never read it, but am already finding the back drop of Paris intriguing ......

Perhaps this did give you a smattering of travel info........This idea of choosing my reading by city, or backdrop is fascinating to me right now. Reminds me of the beat writers, and when I was immersing myself in Kerouac, and Ginsberg...

Couple of weeks till I go back to the dreary days of work..hopefully I don't disappear completely this year...although I am busier than ever....starting a new graduate degree, and buying a house.....well.......Ciao! Hope to see you soon....

the last friday

today is the last friday of the school year. It will seem empty without the seniors, but it is time for them to go. Yesterday they were putting sticky mouse traps all over the place so people would step on them and get stuck. I am on extra supervision duty. It cracks me up that they would pick me as one of about 6 ladies in the school ( and and different times, lots of men) to be the bully. That's right ---mean looking sweet T. I am so oblivious....someone could carry almost anything in right under my nose, and I would be like...oh...what? What was that? Did he have a big huge box with a bunch of wiggly somethings in it? Really? Somehow I missed that...... oh well, I will try my best.:)

look forward to new posts soon. Nearly on summer vacation, and I will have that precious commodity of time..................................ahh......priceless.:)

good riddance to 2009. Looking forward to what the new year holds.

First Sunday

Haul out the holly
Put up the tree before my spirit falls again
Fill up the stocking
I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now
For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute....


The first sunday of Advent. I am so ready for the incredible anticipation and arrival of a savior. I am awaiting his healing of my heart, and in my life today. My redemption draws nigh.

For I've grown a little leaner (not really....actually i have gained tons of weight)
Grown a little colder
Grown a little sadder
Grown a little older
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder
Need a little Christmas now.

I await.....I expect, and await for the regeneration of my spirit. Return to me my joy! Help me to see the beauty that used to so often fall from my eyes into my heart. Let the sorrows of this year be but a step to something more beautiful. As my dad would say, bring back the TAB! Let me feel like "The Adventure is Back." The adventure of this beautiful life you have given me.

I was driving home the other day, and thought on the chrismtas' I participated in as a child. My mom, who could often be depressed, thought that it was too much work to put up chrismtas decorations, and seemed pointless...and I...who was always optimistic and full of joy, and thought that christmas was the best time of the year would say to her...."but mom! this year is going to be the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!" every year I would say that, and believed it. I would talk her into putting everything up....actually doing most of it myself....

who knew that one day that former me would give me hope? I think back to that shiny-eyed child now, and wonder, and perhaps believe... could this christmas could be the best chrismtas ever?

Yes, our redemption draws nigh. One day Christ will appear, and we shall be like him for we will see him as he is. The anticipation of Advent is building in my heart, building, and shaping me into that woman who is a pioneer of sturdy spirit, and wise heart. I pray that one day I may be this woman and proudly stand next to those beautiful women who have gone before me.

Take my crumpled spirit, and create something beautiful......something that brings glory to you.

.......please.

so....we have officially stopped "trying." Not that we are not trying, but we aren't trying. Make sense? Right now I really don't care if it happens or not, and maybe that means that it shouldn't happen. Between be NHS sponsor, foreign language department head, teaching 6 violin lessons a week, playing the occasional wedding and gig, and "still" translating a book from German to English, on top of my regular 40 hour job...oh and sponsoring German club, and trying to get a student trip together next summer, and then coming home and feeding steve, walking the dogs, and trying to survive a puppy. I really have no emotional, or physical strength left for anything else.
I would probably have more energy if I ate right, but the pounds are flying on, and eating mac and cheese on a tuesday night is about all that is keeping me going. (I love mac and cheese and steve isn't home on tuesday nights so I get to eat it!)

Oh....and we had our bathroom renovated....took like 3 weeks....our house was a wreck.. and it really doesn't look that much different......finally started to get some order back to it this last weekend, but now for the new tankless water heater, and tile in the kitchen. Who knows how long this will take, or even when it will ever begin.
I am so tired.
See you on the other side of the sun.
love,
sweet t

beautiful weekend at Arcadia Inn

see pictures at the following link
http://www.arcadianinn.com/mlords-chambers

We also had a steak dinner by candelight, it was a 4 course dinner, catered by Lottinvilles.

We had

• Strawberry walnut Salad for two
• Baked Potato soup

Center Cut Top Sirloin covered in Vadalia Onions with Garlic Mashed Pototoes and grilled corn on the cob

• The Wedge-8 layer chocolate ganache, chocolate chip cake
  
• A carafe each of Ice Tea, Ice Water, Coffee

and breakfast by candlelight. We had vanilla-butter sauce over Belgian waffles, an egg souffle, fresh fruit cup, orange juice and coffee, and steaming hot peppermint towels to wake up with, and the daily newspaper.

We also had rose petals all over the bed, champagne, and strawberries dipped in chocolate.

It was perfect. Totally a sweet T kind of evening.:)

The season of summer

So my good friend Whit gave me a book for our anniversary. It is called the four seasons of marriage. Steve and I took the surveys inside (I took my by myself, and then I asked him the questions out loud) and we answered nearly all the questions the same. We were pretty clearly in the Summer category. Although we are not anywhere perfect, and we still have a lot of growing to do as a couple, it was pretty nice to be in this season. It is the season of being satisfied, and comfortable. I wondered at first if we could describe some of our life as "uncertain" or "unsatisfied", but then I realized that that would be describing some aspects of our life, and not of our relationship with each other. Of course, at any time you can change seasons, and as steve said, it is pretty easy to feel good about your relationship right when you get back from an awesome weekend retreat like we just had.
The cool thing is that we are pretty comfortable right now, and are pretty secure in knowing we love each other, and we have figured out some of our "triggers" which means that when it comes along we realize now it is just as much circumstances, than it is "maybe he doesn't love me anymore" or something silly like that. We just realize these moments are a part of life. And as the book says, you have to realize how you got to summer, and make sure you keep planting the spring seeds, and water it, and nurturing it, so that you can stay in summer for as long as possible.
Summer to me is steve and I sitting on the porch each reading our own book, and sometimes talking when we feel like it, and being quiet when we feel like it, and being totally content.
I like it. I hope we can keep it. I know that circumstances change (like having a baby) and we will have more chaos in our lives, and that could pull us out of summer like it never was. But I am really glad that at least we didn't move right from chaos to more chaos....that somewhere in our hearts despite whatever comes our way in the future, we knew that it could be THIS good, and somewhere in the depths of everything, THIS GOOD can be found again.

I love summer!

Went to a cabin this weekend. We had a blast. Here are some of the highlights. Didn't get any pics of the hiking, and floating in kayaks, but I got some of the awesome cabin. Weekend couldn't have been much more perfect.:)
Here is where we hung out in the evenings talking!:)


and in the afternoons!


Here's the boys cooking us dinner over the fire pit:


us being cute:


Now I am done for now....so go away!


Just kidding!!!!! Come back soon, and I might have more!.......

Here is a little diddy by petula clark to make you happy....:)
My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh.
My love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky.
My love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world
That can ever change my love!!!!

ramblings

****Can you believe that in a few days Steve and I will have been married for 3 years!

****Can you believe that in a few days I will be having my wisdom teeth out, and will probably suffer from it for the rest of my life? (just watched video on the potential problems that can happen with the surgery)

*****Can you believe that we may move in a year? And if not, we may buy a house?

*****Can you believe that there may be a chance that I go to Venice next summer? (among other places in Europe)

****Can you believe (no suprise) that I am going to read this summer like I have never read before?

****Can you believe that I am working on translating a 125 page coffee table book from German to English, and am sort of getting paid for it?

Enough. Now you know what to believe. See you soon.

big step

Today I gravitated towards the pregnancy magazines at my local Borders hangout. I picked one out to look at, and actually enjoyed it. I have avoided that section, and wanted to be angry or sick every time I came near anything having to do with babies for the last four months. (excluding any adorable pregnant friends of course). I took a step today which shows my forward progress.