are you ready......here I go again....

What do I love about summer?
I love walking in the park. I love beautiful brown tans, and fresh fruit and vegetables. I love friends getting together for July 4th, and everyone just being a little more laid back. I love summer vacations, and summer birthdays. I love sleeping in, and I love air conditioning. I love picking blackberries, and drive in movies, and reading lots of books....summer bike rides, and seeing people kayaking on lake Hefner.....

What do you love about summer?

What I am reading....

This summer I decided to choose some books based on what I saw in Europe. You are probably saying....what? you are going to tell us what you are reading during this really boring month of your summer vacation when you went to Europe for two weeks and haven't told us a thing? Sweet T!!!!! Why do you decide to bore us with these mundane details when actually your life is pretty exciting. Well, I guess I actually have time to write to you during these boring times, and this is what is on my mind right now.

I read Heidi by Johanna Spyri. I have not read this book since I was about 9 or 10, and I, of course, loved it. One of the main characters in this book turns out to be the Swiss Alps. We saw a lot of the Alps this summer...from Germany, to Austria, to Italy and Switzerland. I wanted to read this book with the backdrop I had from my trip in my mind.

The next book I read was Water Mirror by Kai Meyer. He is a German author, but the Dark Reflections series takes place in Venice. I read this book a couple of years ago, but wanted to read it again with the images I had recently experienced. How surprised I was to see the island of Murano, and the glassblowers figured somewhat prominently in the book....We had the chance to go to this island while we were there and see the glass blowers..... and of course see the Doge's palace, the bridge of sighs, and many other things that I just skipped over in the book the first time.

I also read Italo Calvino's book "Hermit in Paris" this is a collection of essays, letters, journals, and interviews that Calvino wrote. Not quite what I expected....a large part of it is about his trip to the United States, but the actual essay on Paris was incredibly interesting, and the ideas on traveling, new experiences, and politics of an Italian man who had communist ideals, and grew up in fascist Italy was pretty fascinating.

I am now diving into Victor Hugo's Hunchback of Notre Dame. I have never read it, but am already finding the back drop of Paris intriguing ......

Perhaps this did give you a smattering of travel info........This idea of choosing my reading by city, or backdrop is fascinating to me right now. Reminds me of the beat writers, and when I was immersing myself in Kerouac, and Ginsberg...

Couple of weeks till I go back to the dreary days of work..hopefully I don't disappear completely this year...although I am busier than ever....starting a new graduate degree, and buying a house.....well.......Ciao! Hope to see you soon....

the last friday

today is the last friday of the school year. It will seem empty without the seniors, but it is time for them to go. Yesterday they were putting sticky mouse traps all over the place so people would step on them and get stuck. I am on extra supervision duty. It cracks me up that they would pick me as one of about 6 ladies in the school ( and and different times, lots of men) to be the bully. That's right ---mean looking sweet T. I am so oblivious....someone could carry almost anything in right under my nose, and I would be like...oh...what? What was that? Did he have a big huge box with a bunch of wiggly somethings in it? Really? Somehow I missed that...... oh well, I will try my best.:)

look forward to new posts soon. Nearly on summer vacation, and I will have that precious commodity of time..................................ahh......priceless.:)

good riddance to 2009. Looking forward to what the new year holds.

First Sunday

Haul out the holly
Put up the tree before my spirit falls again
Fill up the stocking
I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now
For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute....


The first sunday of Advent. I am so ready for the incredible anticipation and arrival of a savior. I am awaiting his healing of my heart, and in my life today. My redemption draws nigh.

For I've grown a little leaner (not really....actually i have gained tons of weight)
Grown a little colder
Grown a little sadder
Grown a little older
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder
Need a little Christmas now.

I await.....I expect, and await for the regeneration of my spirit. Return to me my joy! Help me to see the beauty that used to so often fall from my eyes into my heart. Let the sorrows of this year be but a step to something more beautiful. As my dad would say, bring back the TAB! Let me feel like "The Adventure is Back." The adventure of this beautiful life you have given me.

I was driving home the other day, and thought on the chrismtas' I participated in as a child. My mom, who could often be depressed, thought that it was too much work to put up chrismtas decorations, and seemed pointless...and I...who was always optimistic and full of joy, and thought that christmas was the best time of the year would say to her...."but mom! this year is going to be the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!" every year I would say that, and believed it. I would talk her into putting everything up....actually doing most of it myself....

who knew that one day that former me would give me hope? I think back to that shiny-eyed child now, and wonder, and perhaps believe... could this christmas could be the best chrismtas ever?

Yes, our redemption draws nigh. One day Christ will appear, and we shall be like him for we will see him as he is. The anticipation of Advent is building in my heart, building, and shaping me into that woman who is a pioneer of sturdy spirit, and wise heart. I pray that one day I may be this woman and proudly stand next to those beautiful women who have gone before me.

Take my crumpled spirit, and create something beautiful......something that brings glory to you.

.......please.

so....we have officially stopped "trying." Not that we are not trying, but we aren't trying. Make sense? Right now I really don't care if it happens or not, and maybe that means that it shouldn't happen. Between be NHS sponsor, foreign language department head, teaching 6 violin lessons a week, playing the occasional wedding and gig, and "still" translating a book from German to English, on top of my regular 40 hour job...oh and sponsoring German club, and trying to get a student trip together next summer, and then coming home and feeding steve, walking the dogs, and trying to survive a puppy. I really have no emotional, or physical strength left for anything else.
I would probably have more energy if I ate right, but the pounds are flying on, and eating mac and cheese on a tuesday night is about all that is keeping me going. (I love mac and cheese and steve isn't home on tuesday nights so I get to eat it!)

Oh....and we had our bathroom renovated....took like 3 weeks....our house was a wreck.. and it really doesn't look that much different......finally started to get some order back to it this last weekend, but now for the new tankless water heater, and tile in the kitchen. Who knows how long this will take, or even when it will ever begin.
I am so tired.
See you on the other side of the sun.
love,
sweet t

beautiful weekend at Arcadia Inn

see pictures at the following link
http://www.arcadianinn.com/mlords-chambers

We also had a steak dinner by candelight, it was a 4 course dinner, catered by Lottinvilles.

We had

• Strawberry walnut Salad for two
• Baked Potato soup

Center Cut Top Sirloin covered in Vadalia Onions with Garlic Mashed Pototoes and grilled corn on the cob

• The Wedge-8 layer chocolate ganache, chocolate chip cake
  
• A carafe each of Ice Tea, Ice Water, Coffee

and breakfast by candlelight. We had vanilla-butter sauce over Belgian waffles, an egg souffle, fresh fruit cup, orange juice and coffee, and steaming hot peppermint towels to wake up with, and the daily newspaper.

We also had rose petals all over the bed, champagne, and strawberries dipped in chocolate.

It was perfect. Totally a sweet T kind of evening.:)

The season of summer

So my good friend Whit gave me a book for our anniversary. It is called the four seasons of marriage. Steve and I took the surveys inside (I took my by myself, and then I asked him the questions out loud) and we answered nearly all the questions the same. We were pretty clearly in the Summer category. Although we are not anywhere perfect, and we still have a lot of growing to do as a couple, it was pretty nice to be in this season. It is the season of being satisfied, and comfortable. I wondered at first if we could describe some of our life as "uncertain" or "unsatisfied", but then I realized that that would be describing some aspects of our life, and not of our relationship with each other. Of course, at any time you can change seasons, and as steve said, it is pretty easy to feel good about your relationship right when you get back from an awesome weekend retreat like we just had.
The cool thing is that we are pretty comfortable right now, and are pretty secure in knowing we love each other, and we have figured out some of our "triggers" which means that when it comes along we realize now it is just as much circumstances, than it is "maybe he doesn't love me anymore" or something silly like that. We just realize these moments are a part of life. And as the book says, you have to realize how you got to summer, and make sure you keep planting the spring seeds, and water it, and nurturing it, so that you can stay in summer for as long as possible.
Summer to me is steve and I sitting on the porch each reading our own book, and sometimes talking when we feel like it, and being quiet when we feel like it, and being totally content.
I like it. I hope we can keep it. I know that circumstances change (like having a baby) and we will have more chaos in our lives, and that could pull us out of summer like it never was. But I am really glad that at least we didn't move right from chaos to more chaos....that somewhere in our hearts despite whatever comes our way in the future, we knew that it could be THIS good, and somewhere in the depths of everything, THIS GOOD can be found again.

I love summer!

Went to a cabin this weekend. We had a blast. Here are some of the highlights. Didn't get any pics of the hiking, and floating in kayaks, but I got some of the awesome cabin. Weekend couldn't have been much more perfect.:)
Here is where we hung out in the evenings talking!:)


and in the afternoons!


Here's the boys cooking us dinner over the fire pit:


us being cute:


Now I am done for now....so go away!


Just kidding!!!!! Come back soon, and I might have more!.......

Here is a little diddy by petula clark to make you happy....:)
My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine
Softer than a sigh.
My love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky.
My love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above
And there is nothing in this world
That can ever change my love!!!!

ramblings

****Can you believe that in a few days Steve and I will have been married for 3 years!

****Can you believe that in a few days I will be having my wisdom teeth out, and will probably suffer from it for the rest of my life? (just watched video on the potential problems that can happen with the surgery)

*****Can you believe that we may move in a year? And if not, we may buy a house?

*****Can you believe that there may be a chance that I go to Venice next summer? (among other places in Europe)

****Can you believe (no suprise) that I am going to read this summer like I have never read before?

****Can you believe that I am working on translating a 125 page coffee table book from German to English, and am sort of getting paid for it?

Enough. Now you know what to believe. See you soon.

big step

Today I gravitated towards the pregnancy magazines at my local Borders hangout. I picked one out to look at, and actually enjoyed it. I have avoided that section, and wanted to be angry or sick every time I came near anything having to do with babies for the last four months. (excluding any adorable pregnant friends of course). I took a step today which shows my forward progress.

summer vacation

Summer is here. These last few days have been really nice. Such beautiful weather, and an opportunity to just chill and spend time with my husband.

It looks like we are going to take several wonderful weekend trips this summer. Much more than I am normally used to. It will be a much needed rest from the stress of this year. I definitely have the seven year itch. It seems that I am quite bored, and tired of what I do. I am hoping that it is just the end of the year blahs, and by next fall I will be ready again to be the teacher I need to be. Next year the ninth grade will be at the high school for the first time, and I have enough students who want to take German, that I will have a whole class of just ninth graders. Man oh man. This will definitely be a new experience. High amounts of energy and High amounts of structure. I usually can pull off the energy......pray, and pray again for the structure. I hope the class is in the fall instead of the spring, because I am always more on my game in the fall.

I have finished two books and started my third this week. One of the best things about summer is coffee shops, porches, and loads of reading. I read the boy in striped pajamas. Very good...pretty much just like the movie. Which was really good in my opinion. Then I have read and am reading two books by Kerstin Gier. They are romantic comedies ala bridget jones and are written in German. Trying to keep up my fluency in German, and a book like this I can read pretty much like I would read it in English. This one below is the one I have finished.

life

ahh...spring. What life you give me. The God which created you must be amazing indeed! The redbuds are just at their peak. They will turn to green soon, but what vibrancy, and deep intent they express just now.

kicking his ass!

so not really....:) Steve is very competitive and so I told him when we got back from spring break that we are in a contest of who can lose the most weight. We were going to get back on track at new years. We did this last year and lost a bunch of weight. We haven't really gained any (or much) but we have been eating too much to lose any. At the beginning of the year we found out I was pregnant, and so I was eating VERY healthy, but not really dieting, and then after we lost the baby I have been so depressed that I have been eating very NOT healthy, and way too much. Anyway, as soon as I said this steve was talkin' trash...saying how he is going to stop drinking pop and get up early to jog and stuff, and kick my ass. I usually try to minimize competition between the two of us, and I really don't care if he wins, and know he actually probably will.. he's a guy, and has a lot more to lose... However, I am going to ACT like I care a lot and maybe it will get us both jump started.
I will let you know if it works.

Everything rides on hope

Isaiah 46: 11-13

I have spoken and I will bring it to pass;I have planned and I will do it. Listen to me, you stubborn of heart, you who are far from deliverance. I bring near my deliverance, it is not far off, and my salvation will not tarry; I will put salvation in Zion, for Israel my glory.

A Friend gave me the following song recently and I just love it. I have included the chorus here.

Hope Now--Addison Road

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

"Hurts to look back and frightens me to look ahead"

So I have been a little depressed these last few weeks. I know exactly why, and won't bore you right now with the details. I know I will come out of this, but I just wish that it could be over now. It's not like I am sitting at home in my bathrobe on the couch vegging out, and never leaving the house. It is just this small sensation nagging in the back of my heart reminding me that I am sad. I cry at the drop of a hat...not bawling....just feeling my eyes tear up, and stopping it before anyone notices. And I am eating EVERYTHING in sight. I am trying to let myself not feel too guilty about feeding my feelings, but if I am not careful all of my work of losing 25 pounds last year will be for naught.

I saw a yellow daffodil last week amidst a sea of dead branches, and leaves and trash, and feel this is like my heart. I am not gone yet, and I will make a comeback. That small glimmer of hope still resides, and perhaps this spring I will feel it come into full bloom.

My new wheels!

We got a new car last weekend! It's a 2008 HHR in the same color as this one in the pic. Finally, after a year and a half of driving around our totaled car. I am the one who gets to drive it, and steve has taken over my escort now. I was so incredibly nervous driving it home in the ice storm last night, but I made it safe and sound! Thank God!

I am going to write more in my blog. I know I frequently say this and so often neglect to follow through. At one time in my life I wanted to be a writer. Lately, I have been trying to revive the creativity. One way to do this is to write. Not to try so hard, but just to do it. A few years ago I think I began to tap in to the vulnerability that is so beautiful and necessary to being a good writer. Tapping into what is real, and being willing to reveal that. So, it is my goal to do that again. Will I really be able to do this? Who knows. It is a mystery. But then so is life.

Friday night I was sitting at starbucks, and feeling a little under the weather. I have my scarf wrapped tightly around my neck, reading and feeling cozy in a big arm chair sitting across from my husband who is in his own arm chair reading. The evening is so quiet, so stress-free, and I realize that I am living in a moment of significance and hope. This moment is not in any way extraordinary, but rather extremely ordinary, and yet beautiful in its communal peace. I think moments like this exist more often than we sometimes believe. We just have to open our eyes to look and see them.