Minus one face

Blessings:
This week has been a difficult one. Not traumatic, not emotionally
heartwrenching...but difficult. It seems that I have not a moment to myself.
Yesterday I took a shower for the first time in three days...i know...gross!
But when i finally get home I am so tired that I have not the strength to
stand much less be clean. i don't want to complain about everything i have to
do...i have said it before and I will say it again....this whole world is
busy, and those who either can't or won't say no ---part of it is a selfish
reason. The need to believe that the world can't spin without us....that
somehow everything would fall apart without us.
It is true that no one can be me. And to a few special people the world
probably would fall a part without me, but not because of what I "do", but
because of who I am. Those who want us or need us because of what we
accomplish--those are the ones who look at me and like in a dream see a
faceless action oriented being. It could just as well be my neighbor, or my
friend who says yes and they wouldn't know the difference. And in fact, there
will always be someone else to fill the role. Another one just like me who
believes that if THEY don't do it, no one will. Becauase of my sole, lone
lack of ability to save the world, judgement day teters in the balance.

The joy of doing is not because someone needs me, but rather because I have
the chance and opportunity to be a part of the kingdom of God. That powerful
structure which transcends any pitiful action I can make....the joy of knowing
that I can be a part of this glorious beginning, this glorious understanding,
and be a part of that plan of God, the most glorious--so glorious that I
longingly wish that his glory reflects off me and onto you.....pass it on.

My central hope is in BEING, so that when I "do"--it is not the doing they
remember but the face. And hopefully, one day they will look at me and see
that face is the face of God and reflection of Christ.

But as I struggle with chores I often do want to do, or don't have the energy
to do.....I wonder....how do I express the glory of God in these moments? Do
they see the face? I think probably this week, the answer is no.
I stand before you as a woman, without even a body, much less a face.

--
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