Radical Honesty

I read this article called "I think your Fat" by A.J. Jacobs in my husband's July issue of Esquire. Now first of all, don't ask. That's right. Don't ask why my husband receives the Esquire magazine. It is a long story. And not a story for today's topic.

Radical Honesty suggests that you should be entirely honest in everything you say and do with people on a daily basis. At first thought this sounds good.

One of the most honest people I know is my husband. If you ask him a question you can depend that he will tell you the honest truth. he will tell you exactly what he thinks. He may even tell you this even when you DON'T ask for it.:) I really admire this quality in him. His sort of down to earth, cut and dried no nonsense tell it like it is attitude. And even more wonderful, is the fact that he can often relay his ideas to you with compassion. It may be a harsh truth, but a truth that needs to be said....and for that reason you know when he tells you these things that it is because he cares.

The article says that we often lie to avoid responsibility, to avoid confrontation, and to avoid the worst fears we have about ourselves.

so it all sounds good right. The author goes on to explain that he loves his wife 90% of the time, and hates her 10% of the time. According to the theory of radical honesty, he should be honest with his wife during that 10% of the time that he hates her.
I have to stop agreeing with this article here. (and it is not because I am a wife!:))
I mean...I suppose one could say to their wife, "listen...despite whatever feelings I have, i know that I love you, and more importantly regardless of what I am "feeling" I want YOU to feel loved.....I think when we take those vows we vow to love each other even when we dont "feel" like loving each other.

I know that this could be debated with the idea, that maybe something is nagging at the person, or bothering the person, and they just smooth things over when really they need to be discussed. But I argue that both men and women are biological and chemical creatures who have mood swings. Is my mate suppose to suffer because I am going through a "mood" right now? And most likely that 10% of the time is more about our moods, than anything the other person has done. Sometimes my husband bites his nails and it drives me NUTS. and sometimes its like....whatever. His behavior hasn't changed, but my reaction to it does.

Steve and I were discussing this at dinner last night. I know that I personally have a problem with confrontation....and I could do with a dose of radical honesty now and then. My husband on the other hand almost without exception adheres, and follows these ideals of radical honesty....and ocassionally has to temper his honesty with that compassion....knowing when to say something, and when to keep quiet.

Well, folks I have been married a year now. And have the enormous dinner bill from last night to prove it.:) Actually though, the dinner was a gift from my parents, so it tasted all the sweeter.:)
love and kisses,
-t