I would not trade my life today with anyone, or with any other time of my life. I am content and happy. But sometimes there are things you miss. You miss those moments of silence. A couple of nights ago I sat on the porch alone as it was becoming dusk. I listened to the night sounds....once again enjoyed observing the world as it was going to sleep. I realized that it had been a long time since I reveled in this time of day that God provides so freely nearly every day. A moment of bliss that I so often choose to ignore, or be ignorant to. Then I realized that it had been a long time since I actually noticed the beauty of the world waking up--as I oftened used to when I would go to work. My life has become so full--that I am missing my "God moments". Perhaps some of this is the season--after all it has been rather too hot to sit on the porch much this summer, and perhaps the sun has to do with it nearly being daylights savings and I am seeing different things....but whether or not....i am losing some of my quiet moments. Moments where I sit on the couch and just let music drain into me. Moments where I sit and ponder on the GOODNESS of the world.

But then I realize too, that I can always come back to those moments....always revisit them. They were there at a time when I NEEDED them. I was so alone, and needed that revelation and communion with God through his created world. God gave me that. But if I just look....he is still there revealed to me in each beautiful moment.

It's amazing to me that God is there all the time saying --look, my child...just look and see how much I love you--.

As I was on the porch I looked back into the house and could see living room. Steve was sitting on the couch watching football, and meow-meow was sitting next to him. Brach was on the floor at Steve's feet, and I remembered a night that I wrote in my blog and I said the following.

"I look in the screen door to my house and it looks warm and cozy with the dim lights, ....and yet empty. As I look in the window into the house I feel like I am looking into someone else's life instead of mine."
April 4th, 2005


How different my life is now. How full, and alive. My house is full and is a visual reminder of the love that is in my heart.