Thoughts on me and men

The first things I notice in a man are his eyes and his smile. Soft gentle eyes. Eyes which have the appearance of depth, and yes maybe a little anguish, or pain. I must admit that I am slightly attracted to the man who needs comfort. Someone to soothe his brow, and tell him everything is going to be okay. Someone who relies on me for strength, and yet is strong. Strong, but vunerable. That is what I like. As for the smile....i could just melt in a puddle when some men smile at me. John Corbett, of Northern Exposure, and Raising Helen, has one of these smiles. The smile knows. It knows something, and it expresses something.
You can tell a man's pleasure through his smile. A smile which isn't always present, and yet can send warmth through you when it appears. yes, a smile, and a sweet pair of eyes are what really gets me.
I have been told that I brighten peoples days because I am always smiling. I have told my students before that the moment Ms. L can't smile is the moment she is going home. An ever present smile can be comforting, but you sometimes wonder if there is more behind the smile than what we see. Can someone really smile that much, and it be real? Is MY smile real?
So, what I like is perhaps the opposite of me. Someone who can show what they are feeling. Someone who reveals themselves whether they look stupid or not. Someone who knows it is okay not to be happy all the time. I am learning this, and now as I am turning out of my 20's I am starting finally to learn what it means to be open and let others feel my pain, and know my pain. Probably my most favorite description of myself that someone has ever told me has been "studious, with a tendency towards glamour"....ohhhhhh to be that. The woman who is smart, and chic. Nerdy, and yet cool. Velma, with a makeover.:)....
I am Leona the late bloomer. For years, I stuck my head in books, and other worlds in order to avoid the one I was in. The one I was afraid I wouldn't be accepted in. I would be told again and again....T, I don't understand why you don't have more confidence. You are talented, and smart, and cute. There is really nothing holding you back. I have spent most of my life being average in a sea of phenomenally great people. If I played the violin I was always second best, and even when I was first, I would say it was only because the good ones graduated. the program sucks now, and that is the only reason why I am at the top. Or when I was teaching comp lit at IU....or when I was a Fulbright Scholar....all of these things I was never the best(or at least wouldn't give myself that title because i didn't know EVERYTHING)....but I realize now...I may not be the best in the world, but in the real world, the everyday world that I want to live in, I am pretty darn good. This is a pretty exciting thing to realize. I am not like those around me, but it is GREAT that I am not. Because there is a niche in my world for Sweet T that no one else can fill...she is like no one else, and therefore rare and unique, and beautiful. That probably sounds self absorbed. I probably am a little bit, but compared to what I used to feel even four years ago, this is an amazing discovery for me. A delightful one. I can give ever so much better because I have the confidence to give that which is me. To use my brain, and my talents, and my intuition to help others.