in tulsa

having a blast....note sarcastic tone. I am at an AP German conference. These things are supposed to motivate me to go back and do more....to be the great teacher that i can be. But really they just make me realize how much i have to learn, and how little i know, and probably unqualified i am to try and teach it to others. It is probably being pretty hard on yourself to compare yourself with native German speakers...but still i do it to some extent. I know I have my own strengths, and I know that here at the AP conference are some of the best teachers in the state...but still i always have so much more to learn. Maybe that is why i always pick things like music and languages. There is some sadistic motive to be had by doing something that is never "done"....you can't plan something for a lesson plan and use it twenty years from now...as you might do in math or something. It is a very slippery art which is always on the verge of sliding away from you, and as you become more and more accomplished you realize how measley your talents really are. That is UNTIL they actually DO slip away from you, and then you look back and realize how much you actually might have known. I think i am beginning to sound a little like Paul in his letter to Rome, or perhaps corinth, and therfore it is time to stop. Wishing to do what I don't do, and wishing not to do what I did, etc.,etc.,etc.,

Tomorrow is the hardest day of the workshop. We learn about the oral part of the AP test, and i might be quizzed at any moment on my own ability and command of the language....orally. Being the shy mouse that I am, this is my weakest part. It has had the least practice in my life, and if my lack of skills aren't apparent, my anxiety certainly is. This is the thorn in my side. How much better I could be if I didn't have anxiety attacks when asked to speak German in public.

I speak it frequently and daily in my class, and have no quibble...no anxiety...but put me with someone who KNOWS the language and I fall to pieces.

Oh well. this too shall pass.

Very soon, i will be back in my own home with husband, dog and cat to show me love and attention. What an idyllic place that seems right now. It is always greener on the other side.
well have a great day!